My Soul's Civil War

Curled in a ball, rears rolling down my face,
I sit frightened and scared,
Trying so hard to remember,
the beautiful love we once shared.
Never knew so may emotions all-at-once,
my anger engulfed in pain and fear.
Hands once used to caress me,
now only bring pain and tears.

My soul’s civil war erupts, “You love him;
it will be different this time - you’ll see!”
Yet my head cries out, “No!” as each time I try
only becomes worse for me.
My heart begs, “Go back to him.
Love was so good at one time.”
Now all I can see is the hate you had in your eyes,
when I bring you clear in my mind.

God lifted my blinders and opened the door
so into His arms I could return
knowing this time that life’s painful lessons
I have finally learned.
God will hold my heart gently in His loving hands,
until it can finally mend,
then slowly guide me as my life I start
over once again.

- Debra Sue G.