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A victim of domestic violence may have many reasons for staying
in an abusive relationship. She may be embarrassed, hoping that
no one will find out. Most often, friends and family already know
more about her situation than she thinks they do.
She may be afraid to file a complaint, worrying that it will
only anger her abuser more and make the problem worse. This is
a reasonable fear, but the abuser is more likely to re-offend
if no action is taken.
She may be reluctant to take action. Her abuser may be sorry
for what happened and may treat her better than ever before -
for a while. She may still love the abuser very much. Many couples
experience a happy, peaceful making-up period after an episode
of violence. It's known as the "honeymoon" phase in a cycle that
also includes a "tension-building" phase prior to the violence.
As good as things may be in the honeymoon phase, the abuser's
behavior seldom improves without help.
Many other factors may influence a woman's decision to stay in
an abusive situation:
Situational Factors
Economic dependence
Fear of greater physical danger to herself and her children if
they attempt to leave
Fear of losing custody of her children
Lack of alternative housing
Lack of job skills
Social isolation resulting in a lack of support from family or
friends
Lack of information regarding alternatives
Fear of involvement in court processes
Fear of retaliation from partner or partner's family
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Emotional Factors
Fear of loneliness
Insecurity over potential independence and lack of emotional support
Fear of emotional damage to children due to father's absence
Guilt about failure of marriage/relationship
Fear that partner is not able to survive alone
Ambivalence and fear about making formidable life changes
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Cultural Factors
Batterers are not held accountable for their violent actions.
She believes the abuse is her fault.
She was raised to be passive and submissive.
She developed survival skills instead of escape skills.
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Adapted from Dr. Lenore Walker's "Cycle of Violence," Denver,
Colorado
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